Who is this woman?
Eugenia is who I imagined she wanted to be, but I'll be honest, I don't know who she really is.
I met her when I was very young. We lived together then, in an apartment her father had bought for her. I never thought much about that. She relied on her father a lot. She sought his approval a lot. But then again, she went and did everything wrong.
She disappointed him so badly that we had to move in with her mother. Her mother was a question mark in my head. I don't remember her very well, but I've never been told nice things about her, so perhaps it was better that way.
Eugenia eventually made up with her father, and we moved back. It was just us in that apartment. She, naturally, was my life.
Her father and his wife loved me. They loved me so much that I sometimes think they wanted me for themselves. Just in time, Eugenia brought her boyfriend to live with us, and I began spending more time with her father and his wife. Whenever I'd return to Eugenia's apartment, my heart would sink for some reason, even though I had no idea what caused it.
This sensation has followed me my entire life. It appears in situations I still cannot pin down or analyze. I thought it only happened when I did things for myself that reminded me of Eugenia. It's a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as though my insides are turning. Not in a painful way, but in an oppressive one, as though an alarm is going off, reminding me of something I cannot recognize at all.
So every time I'd return home, I'd feel it. I don't remember whether I had a good time with Eugenia and her boyfriend. To be honest, I don't remember much of that period at all. Only that I used to interfere whenever they'd fight. And they'd listen to me. It's funny when I think about it now. Why on earth should they have listened to me? But they did, intently. Or perhaps my mind is making it all up.
Eugenia was beautiful, but she was a very tortured person. Everything seemed dramatic enough for her to leap into action and sweep in like an Academy Award-winning actress. She was inside her own head, giving the performance of her life. We, the outsiders, were crying our hearts out, trying to stop her from jumping off buildings, holding expensive fragrances beneath her nose so she'd come to her senses after passing out. It was hard living with Eugenia. But I loved her, and losing her was my biggest fear in life.